INT. TRUMP TOWER – EXECUTIVE SUITE – NIGHT
A storm of Manhattan neon reflects in the windows. Champagne chills beside a platter of rare steak. PATRICK BATEMAN, immaculate in Tom Ford, sits across from DONALD TRUMP, who’s wearing a navy suit and a red tie like a battlefield flag.
PATRICK BATEMAN (leaning back, eyes gleaming):
Donald… your brand portfolio is the most avant-garde expression of American excess I’ve ever seen.
The Trump Game? It’s Monopoly for sociopaths—perfect.
I bought four copies. Two to play, two to burn.
DONALD TRUMP (smirking):
It teaches winning. That’s what people forget. Life’s not fair. Trump: The Game is.
You either dominate or go bankrupt.
PATRICK BATEMAN (with reverence):
It belongs in MoMA. Post-capitalist abstraction in board game form.
Now… Trump Water.
I had it chilled to exactly 37.5 degrees. It’s clean. Strong.
It doesn’t just hydrate—it asserts itself.
DONALD TRUMP (nodding):
Most water’s weak. Mine’s not.
Comes from a secret American spring. We tested it—99.9% testosterone.
PATRICK BATEMAN (eyes widening):
That explains the flavor.
Now… the Trump Steaks.
Donald, those weren’t steaks. They were a challenge to mortality.
I served them at my Christmas party instead of cocaine.
People wept.
DONALD TRUMP (laughs):
They couldn’t handle the flavor.
Those steaks were aged with ambition.
Only reason they failed? America was too soft.
PATRICK BATEMAN:
Exactly. The world wasn’t worthy of them.
And don’t even get me started on Trump Vodka.
I drank half a bottle and tried to buy AT&T.
DONALD TRUMP (grinning):
I made vodka for people who hate vodka but love power.
It didn’t sell—too refined.
PATRICK BATEMAN (smirking):
That’s the tragedy of genius.
I still have three bottles locked in a vault. Next to my copy of Huey Lewis’s Hip to Be Square.
Both timeless. Both violent in their clarity.
DONALD TRUMP (with finality):
They’ll understand one day. All of it.
The game, the steaks, the water—
It was never just about products.
It was a lifestyle.
PATRICK BATEMAN (raising his glass):
To the man who turned consumption into philosophy.
DONALD TRUMP (raising his glass back):
To winning. Always.
The glasses clink. Somewhere in the distance, a golden elevator opens. Cue Phil Collins.
FADE OUT.
Well, we have to end apartheid for one. And slow down the nuclear arms race, stop terrorism and world hunger. We have to provide food and shelter for the homeless, and oppose racial discrimination and promote civil rights, while also promoting equal rights for women. We have to encourage a return to traditional moral values. Most importantly, we have to promote general social concern and less materialism in young people.