Tag: JCJ

Posted on

White Knighting Miss Myanmar

Donald Trump leaned back in his gold chair, a pageant crown glinting on the desk.
“G.I. Joe,” he said with that salesman’s grin, “you’ve got to white knight Miss Myanmar. Make her president. Beautiful woman, tremendous, she deserves it. I always white knight my beauty pageants—you know that. Pageants are my business. Big business. Bigger than NATO.”

G.I. Joe adjusted his beret, not sure if this was a mission briefing or stand-up comedy.

Trump wagged a finger like a preacher. “Some people say Jesus comes in the name of the Father. At least, that’s what Bono told me. Good guy, good singer, funny glasses.” He chuckled. “But me? I come in the name of the Apprentice.”

Then he leaned in, lowering his voice.
“And Joe, this is very important—listen closely—it’s all part of the QAnon plan. You know, the big plan. We’re taking down the Illuminati. In G.I. Joe terms, we’re taking down Cobra. They’re the bad guys, everybody knows it. Snake Eyes knows it. Even Bono knows it. I’m the commander, you’re the hero, and Miss Myanmar—she’s the president. Tremendous optics, the best optics.”

Miss Myanmar stood silently by the window, draped in a sash, her eyes burning with something fiercer than tiaras or ballots. Joe wondered if Trump even knew she’d survived a coup, or if he only saw another crown.

Trump clapped his hands. “Let’s do it, Joe. White knight! Make her president. It’ll be the most beautiful democracy you’ve ever seen. Cobra won’t stand a chance.”

Then Trump folded his hands like he was at a pulpit.


“I thank Jesus every day. Wonderful man, very strong, walked on water. And if you can’t read Revelation—it’s a tough book, very tough—at least please, at the very least, look at the Trump cards in the Rider-Waite Golden Dawn tarot. Beautiful cards. The best cards. They tell the story better than CNN, believe me.”

Miss Myanmar said nothing, her sash glowing in the light, like a reluctant oracle in Trump’s illuminati-prophecy.

What do you think of this post?
  • Awesome (0)
  • Interesting (0)
  • Useful (0)
  • Boring (0)
  • Sucks (0)
Posted on

Making McDonald’s Great Again

Scene: Trump Tower, golden elevator lobby

Joe Jukic (sharp suit, proud Canadian-Croatian accent):
“Mr. Trump, it’s time to Make McDonald’s Great Again. The secret? Go back to the old-school fries. Beef tallow. None of this weak vegetable oil. We bring in real organic potatoes. Alberta, Idaho, even Croatia—we make fries great again.”

Donald Trump (nodding, hands chopping the air):
“Joe, you’re absolutely right. The fries used to be the best in the world. Then they got rid of the beef tallow. Terrible mistake. Everybody tells me—‘Sir, the fries don’t taste the same.’ Well, we’re going to fix that. We’ll bring back the taste that made McDonald’s legendary. Strong fries. Winning fries.”

Joe Jukic:
“And we lock in the farmers, sir. Organic potatoes. No GMO. No fake fertilizers. We bring back the flavor, the tradition. McDonald’s will feel like home again.”

Trump (smirking, like he’s got the ace up his sleeve):
“And I’ve got a new idea, Joe. A TRUMP Salad. Tremendous lettuce—green, not sad and brown like Biden’s. Perfect tomatoes. Beautiful cucumbers. Maybe steak on top. People say, ‘Trump only eats burgers and fries.’ Well, guess what—Trump Salad will be number one. Nobody’s ever seen a salad like this before.”

Joe Jukic (smiling, leaning forward):
“MMGA, sir. Make McDonald’s Great Again. Beef tallow fries. Trump Salad. People will love it. The whole world will taste the difference.”

Trump (arms wide, grand finale):
“They’ll say, ‘Sir, you didn’t just save McDonald’s. You saved America.’ And you know what, Joe? They’ll be right. Nobody saves better than me. Nobody.”

What do you think of this post?
  • Awesome (0)
  • Interesting (0)
  • Useful (0)
  • Boring (0)
  • Sucks (0)
Posted on

A Trump Christmas

SNL Sketch Script – “A Trump Christmas Carol”

[OPENING MUSIC]
SNL band plays a jazzy holiday intro. Stage is dressed like a gaudy Mar-a-Lago study: gold furniture, red velvet chairs, and a huge Christmas tree decorated entirely with Trump ornaments, dollar bills, and framed photos of Trump shaking hands with himself.

[FADE IN]

TRUMP (Alec Baldwin or other cast member in wig & orange makeup, seated at a giant gold desk, counting gold-plated coins):
“Bah humbug, folks. Worst humbug in history. Everyone says so. Nobody does Christmas better than me, but I also know how to save money—mainly by not giving it to anybody.” (beat – audience laughs)

[CAMERA PANS] to BOB CRATCHIT (Joe Jukic) sitting at a rickety desk with a tiny space heater that’s off. He’s wearing fingerless gloves and shivering.

CRATCHIT:
“Sir, it’s Christmas Eve… could we please have a little more coal for the fire?”

TRUMP (offended):
“Coal? I promised to bring coal back for America, but I meant for my friends in West Virginia stock portfolios, not for—what are you?—staff. Sad!” (audience laughs)

[LIGHTS FLICKER – GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PAST ENTERS]

(It’s Ivanka in a glowing white gown, moving like a beauty pageant contestant. She carries a snow globe of 1980s Trump Tower.)

IVANKA (breathless):
“Father… I’m the Ghost of Christmas Past. I’m here to remind you of a time when people actually liked you at Christmas parties.”

TRUMP (grinning):
“Oh, they loved me. I gave them gold watches. Made in China, tremendous quality. None of this Apple Watch junk. No calories either.” (audience laughs)

IVANKA:
“But you also… cared about people.”

TRUMP (confused):
“I cared about… ratings. Same thing.” (audience laughs)

[LIGHT SHIFT – GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PRESENT BURSTS IN]

(Santa Claus storms in, holding a giant eviction notice.)

SANTA:
“Donald, look around you! People are struggling. They can’t afford gifts, dinner, or heat!”

TRUMP (waves him off):
“Fake news. If they can’t afford turkey, they can buy the Trump Christmas Turkey for $399—comes with a free ketchup packet and a coupon for my NFT collection.” (audience laughs, Santa facepalms)

[LIGHT SHIFT – GHOST OF CHRISTMAS FUTURE ENTERS]

(A hooded Grim Reaper figure silently points to a gravestone on a rolling set piece. It reads: Here Lies The Guy Who Couldn’t Even Win the War on Christmas.)

TRUMP (panicking):
“No! Not the War on Christmas! I’m the General in that war! They were calling me ‘The Clause’—as in Santa Clause, but tougher!” (audience laughs)

[LIGHT FLASH – BACK TO MAR-A-LAGO BEDROOM]

(Trump “wakes up” in bed, hair extra messy. He jumps up, suddenly cheerful.)

TRUMP:
“Bob! Get in here! Buy the biggest turkey in town. Use my credit card—wait, no, use your credit card, but I’ll take a picture with it for Truth Social.” (audience laughs)

CRATCHIT (hesitant):
“That’s… very generous, sir?”

(From offstage, Tiny Tim—played by Martin Short as Ed Grimley—limps in with a crutch and an enormous plaid scarf. His hair is sticking up in Ed Grimley’s signature style.)

ED GRIMLEY (Tiny Tim) (excited):
“Well I must say, Mr. Scrooge, this is quite the turnaround, I must say! I am tickled beyond the capacity for rational thought, I must say.” (audience claps and laughs)

TRUMP (pointing at Tim):
“Look at this kid. Tremendous energy. If all Americans were like him, we’d be great again already. Also, somebody get him a red tie.”

ED GRIMLEY (turning to the audience, beaming):
“God bless us, everyone… I must say!” (audience cheers)

[SNOW FALLS]
(Snow made of shredded legal documents falls from the ceiling. SNL band starts playing “Jingle Bells” as the cast waves. Trump tries to take credit for the snow.)

TRUMP (yelling over the music):
“This is the best Christmas in history! No one’s ever seen a Christmas like this! You’re welcome!”

[FADE OUT – SNL ANNOUNCER VOICE]:
“Live from New York… it’s Saturday Night!”

What do you think of this post?
  • Awesome (0)
  • Interesting (0)
  • Useful (0)
  • Boring (0)
  • Sucks (0)
Posted on

Abilify Agitation

Scene: Joe confronts Donald Trump in a high-security government office, a glowing AI interface beside them, humming with data.

Joe:
Donald, I want to ask this AI something. I want it on record. What the hell is Abilify Maintena doing to people like me?

Trump:
Go ahead, Joe. Ask your question. I don’t like needles either, believe me. Tremendous disrespect to your body. But ask the robot.

Joe (turns to the AI):
AI, what are the behavioral effects of Abilify injections? Specifically the long-acting ones they force into people at psych wards. What kind of changes can it cause?

AI:
Aripiprazole (Abilify) is a partial dopamine D2 receptor agonist. In some individuals, especially those sensitive to dopamine modulation, it may cause activation symptoms such as akathisia, agitation, restlessness, hyperactivity, and insomnia. In rare cases, patients report symptoms similar to stimulant overdrive, akin to high-dose amphetamines.

Joe (nods):
There it is. Like injecting someone with methamphetamines. Except I don’t feel high. I feel like my nervous system is lit on fire. I can’t focus. I can’t sit still. I can’t sleep. Days go by and my mind’s racing in twenty different directions. I can’t function.

Trump:
That’s terrible. That’s absolutely terrible. Like a chemical straightjacket—but backwards. Torture by overstimulation. I’ve heard this before. The pharmaceutical companies—crooked. They don’t care. They say it’s for schizophrenia, for bipolar. But who’s watching the watchers, Joe?

Joe:
It’s not treatment. It’s a punishment. I called a doctor out on something, next thing you know I’m getting jabbed with Abilify. No trial, no hearing. Just a cold needle and weeks of twitching misery. I told them it felt like psychological warfare.

AI:
Note: Forced injections of antipsychotics, especially long-acting depot formulations, are controversial in psychiatric ethics. Adverse reactions are underreported. Patient descriptions of hyperactivity, emotional blunting, and distress post-injection should be taken seriously.

Trump (leans in):
Joe, they’re turning rebellion into pathology. You get angry, they call it mania. You speak out, they say it’s paranoia. So what do they do? They jab you with something to flatten you. I wouldn’t take it either. Total disgrace.

Joe:
They said it would help me. But it made me worse. And when I complained? They said that was a symptom. How do you fight that, Donald? You can’t win in that system. It’s Orwellian.

Trump:
Joe, we’re going to fix this. Big Pharma has too much power. The psychiatrists—some are good—but some are in bed with the drug makers. The system doesn’t care how you feel. But I do. I really do.

Joe:
Then tell them: stop the needles. Abilify turned me into someone I’m not. I’m not crazy—I’m angry. And they should be afraid of what happens when people wake up and start talking about this.

Trump:
You’re not wrong. This is bigger than both of us. We’re going to expose it. And I’m going to bring you back, Joe. Sharp. Strong. Clear-eyed. Needle-free.

Fade out as the AI logs the transcript into the national ethics archive.

What do you think of this post?
  • Awesome (0)
  • Interesting (0)
  • Useful (0)
  • Boring (0)
  • Sucks (0)
Posted on

Trump Declassifies the Black Dahlia Tapes

Scene: “The Hail Mary Broadcast” — G.I. Joe vs. the Illuminati

Exterior – Nightfall – Vancouver, glowing with neon and secrets. Joe, no longer just a soldier, but a crusader of cosmic justice, stands outside a Tim Hortons on Main Street. The red leaf sign flickers. Joe stares it down like it’s the eye of the Beast.

JOE (to himself):
“Maple syrup’s got blood in it.”

He SPITS on the window. It drips slowly down the glass. A family inside gasps. He doesn’t care. This is war.

Cut to: National Broadcast Interruption
Every screen across North America glitches. Static. Then—

🎙️ G.I. JOE (VO – distorted, thunderous):
“This is not a test. This is a revelation.”

On every network, G.I. Joe appears in an XCOM war room, flanked by agents and backed by digital firewalls glowing like the Matrix. He turns to a trembling, orange-faced Donald Trump, bound to a chair with a “Skull & Bones” patch on his suit.

JOE:
“Mr. President. Play the Black Dahlia tapes. Now.”

TRUMP (sweating):
“Joe, please… that stuff’s not for the public—”

JOE:
“Exactly. It’s for the parents. For every mom and dad who needs to know what Satanic Hollywood rituals look like. This ain’t no movie.”

Trump gulps. With shaking hands, he presses PLAY.

The screen behind them shows black-and-white footage. A girl’s scream. Strange robes. Cameras. Blood. Laughter. Masks. Candles. Then silence.

A warning flashes:

🔞 “NO CHILDREN ALLOWED. PARENTAL RECKONING REQUIRED.” 🔞

Cut to: Downtown Vancouver – Day
Joe walks like fire incarnate through the streets. Wendy’s? Closed. White Spot? Graffiti’d with “CHILDREN ARE NOT ON THE MENU.”

He marches up to McDonald’s. The golden arches loom like a portal to Hell. Joe stares at the giant plastic Ronald statue and snarls.

JOE:
“You think this clown’s funny? That’s not a happy meal—it’s a death cult starter pack.”

He pulls out a megaphone:

JOE (shouting):
“I want a boycott! BOYCOTT MASONIC BUSINESSES! Burn the arches! Take back your city!”

Passersby begin to stop. Some clap. Others film. The revolution is going viral.

Cut to: A dark alley near the CBC Building
Tom Welling, once a Smallville star, now just a man trying to make peace, steps forward. His hoodie is pulled low. His hands tremble.

TOM WELLING:
“Joe…”

Joe turns. Recognizes him. Pauses. He doesn’t speak.

TOM (choked up):
“I went to Ronald McDonald House. Smiled with that clown. I did it… hoping you’d see. Hoping you’d do something I couldn’t.”

Joe nods slowly. Like a priest granting penance with his eyes.

TOM (ashamed):
“I thought maybe… you’d pull a Hail Mary. And you did.”

JOE (quiet, firm):
“This ain’t about shame, Tom. It’s about truth. And you found your way back.”

Joe hands Tom a flame-shaped pin—red and gold: the symbol of the Children’s Fire, an old tribal oath to never again let harm come to a child.

JOE:
“Time to burn the clowns.”

What do you think of this post?
  • Awesome (0)
  • Interesting (0)
  • Useful (0)
  • Boring (0)
  • Sucks (0)
Posted on

Bateman Talks about Psalm 45

INT. EASTERN ORTHODOX CATHEDRAL — DUSK

Golden light filters through stained glass. Incense floats like fog. DONALD TRUMP, PATRICK BATEMAN, and BISHOP MARI MARI EMMANUEL sit beneath an icon of Christ Pantocrator. Bateman is in a pristine designer suit. Trump has his classic red tie. Bishop Mari Mari Emmanuel, robed and calm, holds a Bible.

BATEMAN
(holding up a worn leather Bible)
Psalm 45:2 — “You are the most handsome of the sons of men; grace is poured upon your lips.”
I mean… that’s obviously Brad Pitt. Maybe Tom Cruise. Those cheekbones. That symmetry. It’s divine geometry.

TRUMP
(in agreement)
Look, Brad Pitt—fantastic face. Cruise—very high energy. Great stunts. Both very marketable. You put either one on a poster? Boom. Problem solved in ninety minutes. Maybe with popcorn.

BISHOP MARI MARI EMMANUEL
(firmly, eyes steady)
My brothers, the beauty spoken of in Psalm 45 is not carnal—it is not of Hollywood. It is the beauty of holiness. The grace upon His lips is the Word of God. The Messiah’s face was likely sun-worn, marked by suffering. Not filtered. Not airbrushed.

BATEMAN
(skeptical, smirking)
Sure, Bishop. But let’s be honest… no one wants a messy savior on a movie poster. You need symmetry. Market trust. Think Interview with the Messiah. Brad Pitt walks on water, Cruise calms the storm.

TRUMP
(laughing)
Exactly. We could easily reboot the Gospels. Four films. Big budgets. Jesus rides a Harley into Jerusalem. Nobody’s getting crucified without a real fight. We make Golgotha great again.

BISHOP MARI MARI EMMANUEL
(sighs, gently closes his Bible)
You do not understand the cross. The beauty of Christ was in His humility. He conquered not with charisma, but with obedience. Not by leaping off rooftops, but by enduring the grave.

BATEMAN
(sipping espresso)
Okay, but… could humility test well with 18-34 males?

TRUMP
(suddenly serious)
Maybe we should do a casting call. Get Mel Gibson involved. I always said The Passion was a little too bloody. We need cleaner branding. Inspirational suffering.

BISHOP MARI MARI EMMANUEL
(softly)
Beware of making idols out of men. The Christ is not a brand. He is the Lamb slain. Not a box office savior, but the suffering servant.

BATEMAN
(glancing at Trump)
So… not Brad Pitt then?

TRUMP
(sighs)
Maybe… maybe Jim Caviezel with better lighting.

The icon above flickers in the candlelight. Christ stares forward, unchanged.

What do you think of this post?
  • Awesome (0)
  • Interesting (0)
  • Useful (0)
  • Boring (0)
  • Sucks (0)
Posted on

Israel You Have 2 Days to Surrender The Baron

INT. WAR ROOM — JERUSALEM — NIGHT

Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin “Bibi” Netanyahu sits stiffly at a steel table deep beneath the Knesset. The secure line buzzes. A hologram of Donald J. Trump and JCJ appears. Trump’s hair is windblown, yet immaculately intact. JCJ’s eyes glow with a divine fire. Behind them: a massive screen flashing the words “Cause and Effect: FINAL WARNING.”

TRUMP (stern):
“Bibi. You know I like you. We’ve had some beautiful deals. But this time, it’s different. The game is over. No more hiding. We want Epstein and Rothschild. Alive.”

Netanyahu leans forward, sweating.

JCJ (calm but thunderous):
“Cause… and effect. You play both sides. You ran blackmail operations for the elites. Mossad knows. The world knows. The children cry out from the tunnels. You protected the deep state. Now it protects no one.”

TRUMP:
“I’m gonna make this real simple. If I drop a bomb on Iran, they drop one on you. That’s how it works. Cause. Effect. This ain’t 2012, pal. It’s Trump-JCJ 2025. The world’s flipped.”

JCJ (pointing at Bibi):
“You have two days. Forty-eight hours. Deliver us Jeffrey Epstein—not his corpse. And Baron Rothschild, the spider behind the debt web. If not…”

JCJ waves his hand. A digital globe spins and zooms in: Iranian missile coordinates, Iron Dome saturation maps, dimensional chess simulations.

TRUMP:
“We’re not bluffing, Bibi. You go down with them if you stall. You don’t want to test me when I got Christ on my six. Believe me.”

JCJ:
“This is not vengeance. This is balance. The world demands justice. If you fail, even the Dome will crack.”

Suddenly, a news ticker appears across the bottom of the screen:

BREAKING: MYSTERIOUS QOM EXPLOSION LEVELS IRANIAN NUCLEAR BASE — NO CLAIM OF RESPONSIBILITY

Netanyahu’s hands tremble. He reaches for the phone.

NETANYAHU (voice trembling):
“We… we’ll find them. But they’re protected. Epstein was moved—he’s not dead. Rothschild’s off-world—Saturn orbit, Black Cube station.”

JCJ (narrowing eyes):
“Then you better build a ship fast.
Because the next explosion… won’t be in Persia.”

The transmission cuts. The war room lights flicker. Netanyahu turns to Mossad Director Yigal Regev:

NETANYAHU:
“Prepare the extraction team. Code Black Messiah. We either hand them over… or Jerusalem burns.”

What do you think of this post?
  • Awesome (0)
  • Interesting (0)
  • Useful (0)
  • Boring (0)
  • Sucks (0)
Posted on

Trump Clean Up

Trump & JCJ: The Nanobot Cleanup Plan

Trump, lounging in his golden Mar-a-Lago office, gestures toward a massive holographic display showing the Earth’s atmosphere. His signature smirk plays across his face as he speaks.

Trump: “Look, JCJ, they said I was crazy. They said I was paranoid about all these little nanobots floating around. But you—you’re smart, you see the big picture.”

JCJ nods, arms crossed, staring at the swirling cloud of microscopic machines in the hologram.

JCJ: “We already know they’re up there, spraying them like it’s seasoning on a steak. The real question is: Why not make them useful? These surveillance bots—every government’s got them—why not repurpose them? Let’s clean the air, the oceans, everything.”

Trump leans forward, pointing at the image.

Trump: “Exactly! These deep-state guys, they think small. Spying, monitoring, controlling. But me? I think big. Huge. We make the nanobots clean microplastics, CO2, all the nasty stuff the losers left behind. I call it ‘Nanobot MAGA.’ Make. Air. Great. Again.”

JCJ smirks.

JCJ: “And if we control the cleanup, we control the narrative. No more climate cult, no more carbon credit scams. Just real results.”

Trump leans back, steepling his fingers.

Trump: “JCJ, you’re my best apprentice yet. We’re gonna do something historic. They’ll build statues of us. Trump & JCJ: The Dynamic Duo. Cleaning up the world while the haters cry about it.”

JCJ chuckles.

JCJ: “And while we’re at it, let’s make sure these nanobots don’t just disappear after the job’s done. Might need them for… other things in the future.”

The two men exchange a knowing glance, the kind that means something big is coming.

What do you think of this post?
  • Awesome (0)
  • Interesting (0)
  • Useful (0)
  • Boring (0)
  • Sucks (0)