INT. UPSCALE MANHATTAN RESTAURANT – NIGHT
Patrick Bateman sits across from a group of impeccably dressed Wall Street colleagues. The table is littered with artisanal pizzas, untouched but photogenic. A massive TV in the corner plays muted news footage of Donald Trump at a campaign stop—he’s eating pizza, backwards. Crust first.
BATEMAN
(Locks eyes with the screen, glass of Bordeaux halfway to his lips)
Do you see that?
CRAIG
What?
BATEMAN
He’s eating the crust first.
DAVID
Yeah… that’s just weird.
BATEMAN
(Slowly, reverently)
It’s not weird. It’s dominance. It’s pre-emptive. It’s a hostile takeover of the entire pizza eating experience. No foreplay. No hesitation. Just the hard part—first.
TIM
You think Trump’s a food alpha now?
BATEMAN
Trump isn’t just a food alpha—he’s the alpha and the omega. He ends the reign of the triangle. He dismantles the sauce-first establishment. That crust move? It’s not just about pizza. It’s about power.
DAVID
I think he just didn’t want cheese on his tie.
BATEMAN
(Scoffs)
That’s what they want you to think. But only a man who owns the boardroom, the real estate, and the lunch table would dare invert culinary ritual in front of cameras. Eating pizza crust first is postmodern warfare. It’s a declaration: I don’t follow form. I am the form.
CRAIG
So what—you eat your crust first now?
BATEMAN
(Cold smile)
Only if I want to win.
Bateman slowly lifts his slice, flips it in his hand, and takes a brutal bite of crust. No cheese. No sauce. Just declaration.
BATEMAN (CONT’D)
This is how a president eats when he’s not trying to impress you. He’s trying to consume you.
FADE OUT.
Well, we have to end apartheid for one. And slow down the nuclear arms race, stop terrorism and world hunger. We have to provide food and shelter for the homeless, and oppose racial discrimination and promote civil rights, while also promoting equal rights for women. We have to encourage a return to traditional moral values. Most importantly, we have to promote general social concern and less materialism in young people.