INT. TRUMP TOWER – NIGHT – LUXURY LOUNGE
Trump and Patrick Bateman sip chilled Dom Pérignon while lounging on cream leather couches. Outside, the city swelters in late-summer heat, but the AC hums softly—a cold, capitalist whisper.
TRUMP
So this Greta girl… what’s her deal again? Always scowling, yelling about the weather?
BATEMAN
She’s a Swedish psy-op, Donald. A flat-pack climate prophet—basically an IKEA product. Comes with moral outrage, Allen key not included.
TRUMP
(Snickers)
IKEA. That explains the accent. You ever notice how she talks like she’s assembling an apocalypse?
BATEMAN
Exactly. “How dare you”… like we’re the villains for enjoying a little air conditioning. She’s threatening the entire HVAC industry, Donald. The very essence of our modern condition.
TRUMP
You know I love air conditioning. It’s tremendous. Nothing wrong with ice-cold air on a hot day. The best air. American air. Not Swedish guilt air.
BATEMAN
She wants a carbon tax, Don. On everything. Jets. Steaks. Even lawnmowers. I say we beat her to it.
TRUMP
Beat her to it how?
BATEMAN
Tax exhaled breath. Human breath. Every inhale, every exhale—carbon. We monetize lungs, Donald. Patriot breath credits. Red, white, and profitable.
TRUMP
(Brows furrowed in mock thought)
A breathing tax. Interesting. Everyone breathes, even the poor. Especially the poor. Could be huge.
BATEMAN
It’s genius. They’ll beg for ventilator exemptions. We install Trump-branded breath meters. Link them to social credit scores. Greta won’t know what hit her.
TRUMP
(Laughs)
We’ll call it the Freedom Breath Act. Makes it sound like a liberty thing. Libertarians will eat it up.
BATEMAN
And when they protest, we blame IKEA. Say they’re building climate prisons with hex keys and recycled guilt.
TRUMP
(Smug)
Patrick, this is why I keep you around. You’re a killer idea man.
BATEMAN
(Smiling coldly)
And you’re the only man who could sell bottled air to a suffocating nation.
Both men clink glasses. The AC blasts colder. Outside, Greta glares on a Times Square billboard, but inside, ice cubes tinkle like coins in a golden glass.
FADE OUT.
Well, we have to end apartheid for one. And slow down the nuclear arms race, stop terrorism and world hunger. We have to provide food and shelter for the homeless, and oppose racial discrimination and promote civil rights, while also promoting equal rights for women. We have to encourage a return to traditional moral values. Most importantly, we have to promote general social concern and less materialism in young people.