Trump:
“Lenny, you know what happened in Minneapolis, terrible, terrible. A trans shooter—people are shocked. Everybody’s talking about it. And I said, listen, God is the grand master of 3D printing. Nobody does creation better. He printed the whole universe—best job ever, tremendous detail.
Now the trans community, they want full transition. They say, ‘We want the whole thing, printed, finished.’ And I said, okay, let’s make a deal. You want a new body? Talk to God, He’s got the printer. The best printer. Or—if you don’t want to wait—go to Canada. Trudeau’s giving out printers for free. Like healthcare, but with plastic.”
Pope Lenny Belardo:
“Donald, your words are profane yet strangely theological. God is not a 3D printer. He is the mystery, the unprintable. You speak of bodies like they are toys to be manufactured, deals to be signed.
But the body, Donald, is not a toy. It is the temple of the Holy Spirit. And when a temple is wounded, it is not a machine that repairs it. It is love. Mercy. A grace you cannot patent, or print, or sell at a discount.”
Trump:
“Love is fine, Lenny, I’m not against love. People say I’m not loving—I am! I love winning, I love deals, I love America. And I love people who love me. But we need solutions, not sermons. You’ve got a big church, a lot of gold, a lot of power. Let’s put it to work. 3D print the temples better, stronger, faster. Everyone’s happy, nobody’s shooting. It’s a win-win.”
Pope Lenny:
“You want to replace miracles with machines. That is the temptation of every age. And yet the printer you worship will never give life eternal. Only God can do that. Do not mistake plastic for flesh, nor flesh for spirit.”
Pope Lenny Belardo:
“Donald… you are not entirely wrong. God has always given man the terrible freedom to choose. To choose love or hate, war or peace, even truth or lies. Perhaps even the body. We are not slaves of heaven. We are sons and daughters. And sons may choose their path.”
Trump:
“Exactly, Lenny. You see it now. Freedom. Choice. Nobody loves choice more than me. It’s beautiful. So let them choose their body. If they want to print a new one, let them. Why not? America has the technology. The above top secret flesh 3D printer—believe me, it’s waiting. Locked up in a Pentagon basement, humming like the Ark of the Covenant. They’ve shown me, incredible stuff. Like Xerox but for people. You wouldn’t believe it. The Vatican should get one too, maybe print a few extra popes when you get tired.”
Pope Lenny:
“The Lord is not Xerox, Donald. But I admit, the temptation is immense. To press a button and become what you dream… To step into a machine and emerge perfected. This is the serpent’s whisper in a digital age.”
Trump:
“Snake, printer, whatever—you call it temptation, I call it innovation. If Canada’s giving it out free, why shouldn’t we? America first, always. And if God’s the grand master of 3D printing, well, we’re just following His business plan. Big, beautiful business plan.”