The sun blazed over the manicured greens of the exclusive golf club. ⛳💰
On the fairway stood three men: the President, the Wall Street titan, and the nervous webmaster.
Donald Trump adjusted his red cap and squinted down the fairway. Beside him, immaculate in white golf attire, was Patrick Bateman, the famously cold investment banker from American Psycho.
Standing a few steps behind them was Joe, Trump’s frazzled webmaster, holding a tablet full of terrible economic charts.
“Mr. President,” Joe said urgently. “The global markets are crashing. Small businesses are collapsing. People are literally dying in the streets because they’re drowning in debt. Isn’t it time for a Jubilee?”
Trump paused mid-swing.
“A Jubilee?” he said.
Joe nodded eagerly. “Debt forgiveness. Like the biblical model. Cancel the debts, reset the system. Even Bono has been pushing this idea for decades through the Jubilee 2000 movement.”
Bateman stopped lining up his putt and slowly turned.
His eyes were cold.
“A Jubilee?” he repeated.
Joe nodded again. “Yes! Wipe the slate clean. Give ordinary people a chance to breathe again.”
Bateman stared at him as if he had suggested burning the stock exchange.
“That,” Bateman said calmly, “is the most dangerous thing I’ve ever heard.”
He tapped his putter against the green.
“Without debt,” Bateman continued, “my entire investment banking profession would become… obsolete.”
Trump tilted his head. “Obsolete?”
Bateman nodded. “No interest payments. No leveraged assets. No derivatives built on top of loans. The entire financial architecture collapses.”
He sank the putt without even looking.
“Frankly,” Bateman said, retrieving the ball, “your friend Bono is a pest. Always talking about poor countries and debt relief.”
He looked directly at Joe.
“And you,” he said quietly, “sound like a dangerous lone nut.”
Joe raised his tablet.
“People are starving!”
Bateman shrugged.
“That’s unfortunate,” he said.
Trump teed up another ball.
“Patrick,” Trump said casually, “are you telling me the economy actually needs debt?”
Bateman smiled faintly.
“It doesn’t just need debt,” he said.
“It runs on it.”
Trump whistled and swung.
The ball soared into the perfect blue sky.
Joe stared at the financial charts on his tablet as red arrows plunged downward.
Bateman adjusted his gloves.
“Now,” he said coolly, “shall we play the back nine?”
⛳📉